Well, The Habs Just Lost

The only thing that the Habs had going for them was that when someone sings 'Oh Canada' the crowd went crazy and they carried the momentum throughout the whole game. Instead they had the Provincial Band of Alberta come and play. Critical mistake by the Bell Centre

PS- This is the best they have? Canada you're girlfriend. WOOF!

Update: McQuaid obviously read my post and out of spite dragged his slow ass to the bench on purpose. Thanks bro

LVP: Least Valuable Player

With the end of the semester, comes group projects. I'll be honest, I usually like to pull my weight in these things because I like to gain the respect from my fellow colleagues, but in this one project I can't get myself up to speed. I mean it has gotten to the point where I'm getting vicious emails with stuff like "????" as the subject. Just killing my self esteem. If I hadn't befriended one of my group mates throughout the class I would have hands-down gotten kicked out of the group by now (which actually can happen at UMaine it's been done before).

I have become the very thing that I can't stand, the LVP of the group. The guy who ignores his emails and hopes the smart girl will do his part for him. It makes me sick just thinking about it. And I refuse to become that disgusting symbol for procrastination. So this will be my last post for a while. Take the reins Murph

Taylor Swift Busts Her Ass And Makes A Fool Of Herself On Stage

HA! Bitch.

Breaking News: Lady Gaga "Feels Like A Loser"

So apparently in his/her HBO documentary he/she starts crying and says that he/she has moments where he/she feels “like a loser.”  Umm, really Gaga?  You’re actually somewhat shocked that people think you’re weird and have no friends?  Didn’t you learn anything from high school?  The kids who dressed up like peacocks and came to school in giant eggshells were the ones getting atomic wedgies or even the wedgie-swirly combo.  Take a nice hard look at yourself in the mirror and then ask yourself why you feel like a loser - that might help clear things up a bit. 

My Pee Smells Like Golden Crisp After I Drink Coffee

This happens to everyone right?  I’ll be minding my own business at the urinal and suddenly get blindsided by the aura of Golden Crisp.  It’s as if someone opened up a brand new box and put it under my nose.  I could literally sit you down blindfolded and place a bowl of Golden Crisp and a bowl of my pee (after drinking a coffee of course) and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.  I don’t see how I can ever enjoy a bowl of Golden Crisp again without the image of a soupy urine filled toilet.

Wait... Who Stabbed Who?

So when I first read this I didn't even blink. But when i re-read the title I was completely caught off guard when I realized that Brandon Marshall's wife stabbed HIM and not the other way around. There are millions of reasons why I could see him doing the stabbing but in no way is there any reasoning behind what actually happened. I just wanna be like listen sweetheart, you're a sub five in a 9.5+ category. How you ended up with him has the head of the Massachusetts State Lottery questioning his work. You're the wife of an NFL stud and you think you can go stabbing people on a whim, this is the real world lady. So he has a few girlfriends on the road? What did you think road games were for anyways.

Another Year, Another Ham for Easter

First of all, who decided that the right representative for Easter dinner would be ham? Its possibly my least favorite holiday food. Sure ham is great when you get it sliced thin on a sub with pickles, onions, and hots from Dagastino’s. But when it’s a half an inch thick and cooked dry to the bone it’s just not for me. And when I have nothing but a flimsy plastic knife and I've already said "Hi, how are you? How's everything? Yah? That's great to hear!" to 10 people I really don’t know the only way I can get myself through it is to soak it in honey mustard or even ranch if I’m desperate. All I'm saying is there's no way there can be a religious connection to ham so why do I have to suffer through it?

PS- why is it always hotter than Saudi Arabia in church on Easter Sunday? Is it to smoke out the kind-of-believers... because if it is then it almost worked this year

Meet The New Member Of The Joe Sent Me Team: Heggs

I wasn’t looking for a new blogger but then I read this kid’s résumé:

Education

University of Maine

            Bachelor of Arts in Business Management

Activities/interests

            Hockey, lifting heavy things, protein shakes, judging women.

Work Experience

            iSecurity at Boylston Street Apple store

           

Holy Shit! I would be an idiot not to offer Heggs an entry-level contract for the Joe Sent Me team.  Bright future ahead, people, bright future.